ACP member offers advice about relationships with single dads, for magazine

ACP member, Rachel Melville-Thomas, offers advice for an article in a fashion magazine on how to deal with some of the issues for women dating single dads. 

The article talks about how young women are more likely to find themselves in this position than ever before. The single parent charity organisation Gingerbread estimates that there are two million lone parents in the UK – that’s parents who are the sole carer of their children and 10% of these are men. That’s not including all those dads who share care of the child with the mum who they’ve split from. 
The article also describes how the 17% or so male users of parenting advice website Mumsnet are more likely to be looking for advice on sex and  relationships than the average woman user, says the company’s CEO, Justine Roberts. So what’s so difficult for single dads looking for love?

Emma, who recently married a man with a nine-year-old daughter, agrees. “The most difficult thing is understanding that you'll never be his number one priority. You'll come pretty close, but not quite first,” she says. The piece also points out that there’s not just two of you in the relationship. 
 
The consensus from all is not to meet the child for a few months down the line, at least until you think the relationship is serious. Rachel Melville-Thomas, explained that it's hard to understand these behaviours, but it’s important to put yourself in the shoes of a three-year-old, who are in a “magical thinking, romantic stage.”

“Think about The Little Mermaid. There’s a girl, and she meets a prince, and they get married and that’s it forever. That’s the template for your average three/four year old,” she says. “They can still be thinking, ‘True love will right itself and Daddy will find Mummy again.’ And the unconscious feeling is ‘You might take Daddy away from me.’”

So what does that mean for the new girlfriend?

Melville-Thomas says, “Don’t blame the children! As adults we have to be a bit grown up about it and give them time to figure it out, and everything you do, you have to do it a bit slower than you would think.”

“The mother wants to know what kind of woman is in the vicinity of my children,” explains Melville-Thomas. “I would say 100% try to develop a relationship with the mother. You want to be modest, respectful, and intelligent about it. Get to know them and show them that you are a reasonable human being,” she says.

Read the full article here