ACP member offers advice to grown up siblings for the Guardian Weekend

The eldest of four children of a single mother, contacted the Guardian Problem Solved Column. She described her brother as not having a career, friends or money and still living at home with their mother, adding that he "plays the victim card" and "blames my mum for pushing him into the wrong degree". 

ACP member, Leila Bargawi, said that it seems “critical that he wasn’t more resilient”.  Bargawi also wondered if there was a narrative in the family about the men being losers, (men are hopeless; women are resourceful and resilient), that may have had a big impact on all of the siblings, but especially on the brother growing up without, it seems, a positive male role model.

Bargawi also wondered if somewhere along the line, unconsciously, the mother and brother were company for one another and if in some way, she said to the sister,  “your brother has actually protected you all. He was the one who stayed at home while you were all able to go and do your own thing.” 

There is something “quite adolescent in your brother’s behaviour”, noted Bargawi, who added that, “his emotional development may not have gone to plan”. See the full article here